WILD ON AROOSTOOK

Being a comedian, I get to travel a lot. I see a lot of cool places, and visit great cities such as New York, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, and most recently, Presque Isle and Caribou.

For those who have not visited the thriving Metropolis that is Aroostook County, allow me to suggest that you do so, because NOTHING will put your life into perspective like a trip to potato land. For starters, there’s the drive. It’s approximately 3 hours NORTH of Bangor. If you are planning a trip, don’t factor in traffic. There is none. If you have to answer the calls of Mother Nature, forget it. The rest areas are not open in the winter. I proudly did my business in the middle of 95, only to have the draft from an oncoming logging truck briskly launch me into a snowbank endowed with it’s own gift from Mother Nature. Thrilling.

The funny thing is, once you get there, people automatically know you’re an outsider. I was traveling with another comic, Al Klemick, who’s as Maine as Crown Pilot crackers, and they could tell he was “from away”. My guess was that they figured me out by the fact that I opted for a leather jacket, as opposed to an Arctic Cat snowsuit.

And there’s no shortage on potatoes, believe me. Where I grew up, we had apple fights. There,they have potato fights. People like to joke that certain people aren’t too sharp, or just plain retarded due to inbreeding. I have blown that theory. Take a few potatoes to the head, and then attempt to discuss the pros and cons of third world dictators. It’s impossible.

I grewup thinking that losing in an apple fight was the worst. I have to say that I’d much prefer an apple to the kidneys than a potato. Just a thought.

The people are fun there, the staff was all friendly to us, some of the waitresses had that pretty look in their eyes, in a “save me” kind of way, and for the most part, the gigs were fun. After the show, however, I wanted to indulge in the nightlife I’d heard so much about. I’m sure that by now you’re picking up on my sarcastic tendencies, and for that, I thank you.

A few of the pubs up there are a taxidermist’s wet dream. The walls are covered in dead animals. On Friday, there were more teeth on the walls than on the floor. When I asked the doorman what the ratio was, that is what he thought I was referring to.

Out of curiosity, I asked the bartender what they carried for microbrews. He told me that they had Stroh’s. I ordered a tanqueray and tonic, and a few more after that.

On a softer note, I have to say that I enjoy it there. I had so many people come up to me that had seen me on my last visit to say hello again, and that they had been hitting my website to see when I’d be there next. It’s that kind of small town vibe that makes you feel welcome whenever you go. You can’t beat that with a potato.