When people ask me what the worst gig I ever did, two come to mind. The worst comedy gig is simple. A birthday party for a bunch of rich 14 year olds.

A friend of mine books entertainment, and when I was getting started in comedy, he decided to book me and get me some money. He’d never seen my act, and with dollar signs in my eyes, I somehow forgot to tell him that I sucked.

I didn’t realize then that comics spend years developing their material. I thought that you told new jokes every time you went up. I wrote a twenty minute set, and was prepared to go in and crush.

I went into the room, and there were no chairs. Just a bunch of kids running off to their cliques. This bothered me a bit, but fuck it. I went up anyway.

The kids hated me immediately. Before I could finish my first joke, they were yelling “YOU SUCK!” I was hired to be clean, so my comebacks were weak. One kid came up on stage and started mocking me. It was hell. At one point, I gave up. A kid in the crowd asked me where I had gotten my shoes. I told him that where I got them didn’t matter, what mattered was where I would put them as soon as I got my check. He shut up after that.

I left the gig, got in my car, and almost cried. I was so humiliated. I drove down to the Comedy Connection to try to get a little support. It was there that I met Al Klemick. I told him what I’d just gone through, and he was cocky about it, saying that he would never do something like that. I’d just met the guy, and he seemed a little arrogant. We quickly became best friends.