Every other week, something rather discomforting happens to me. It is a nuisance of unparalleled proportions, a living hell, a planet of suck. Of course I'm talking about doing laundry.

Why do we humans have to go through this? Is it just me? Am I the only one who despises this loathsome task? And why, after years of doing it myself, why am I unable to master it? Why haven't I accepted that this is simply a part of life that we all have to go through?

By simply reviewing the above paragraph, my answer lies before me.

That's right folks, all the votes have been cast, and the results are in. The verdict is…… I'm a dumb guy. And, I'm already over it. I'm over it because there's nothing I can do about it. I stopped learning about laundry once I learned to separate the white socks from the red shirts. How my black underwear turned gray is beyond me, and seeking the knowledge to get it right is not high on my list of priorities, and neither is a literary degree, so suck it up and keep reading.

I own two laundry baskets. One for the dirties, and one for the clean stuff that I failed to put away once washed, dried, and semi-folded. Right now I'm looking at both baskets, which are full of clean, semi-folded clothes. I calmly release a sigh of relief, but I also realize that putting these clothes in my bureau, which stands just two short feet away, is far too much of a task for me to accomplish. So, to all intents and purposes, it's a victory and a loss for me. I successfully attained my goal of washing them, drying them, and applying my patent pending fold-like but not quite technique, but the idea of putting them in the bureau, which is a mindless effort for most of the population, is far too daunting for yours truly. In case you asked, pathetic is not my middle name, but I agree, it should be.

So where are my dirty clothes, you query? Sprawled out on the floor, in the most elegant way possible. Nothing but the highest of standards for Shaner.

Going to a Laundromat is one of the worst things I could imagine doing on a day off. Have you ever noticed how nobody is happy in there? Don't say, “ Oh, well you haven't been to my Laundromat, because everyone is happy there!” because they're not. I've been to all of them, and I've been booted from every one in town for raucous behavior. I wouldn't call my behavior raucous, unless you would classify near dry humping like actions in effort to capsize the dryer, and the unsuspecting owner's profit margins raucous. Strident, maybe, but far from raucous.

My latest Laudrohell is no better than the last one I was so undeservingly evicted from. It has all the evil elements that I detest to the highest of levels, and I'm the 'new guy' there, so every one looks at me like I'm the kid on the side of the milk carton, or the freak that kidnapped them. This would probably bother me if I actually gave a flaming rat's ass about what people think of me. You wanna be my friend? Teach me how to fold. I'll be running out of room on my floor by Friday.