I really did it this time. After three plus years of faith, bonding, and memories I decided to terminate a relationship. Without question, this was one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make. When you share your life, your goals, your fears and your fetishes for such a long period of time, you grow accustomed to the 'team' effort involved in a successful relationship.

Alas, as I sip my tepid coffee and wipe a tear from my eye, I easily lament to happier times…a time of innocence and lust when it was felt that the world would belong to us, and we could conquer anything together. Now, I've chosen to rebuild my life with that someone special who I feel will bring me no sorrow or questioning, and will elevate me to me to the highest levels of inner peace and happiness.

That special someone is my 2000 Honda Civic HX! Yeah baby! Can I get a hoo-raa?

I kicked my Mazda to the curb like a bottle of expired milk, and hopped into my new shiny partner and sailed into the sunset. (Which was more than likely some gig in the middle of nowhere)

I can't diss the Mazda, our affair was full of love and respect, and while she wasn't well equipped, she made up for that with her permissiveness and willingness to go anywhere, which was thrilling for me to travel down these new avenues that I'd never been down before, and in turn, I kept her well lubed and maintained. It was a torrent, autoerotic affair, and after a while, I began to notice that she demanded more of me. She was always demanding money and softer treatment, just as my interests in roaming into newer nomadic experiences were starting to peak.

So, one day, I met Honda. Honda was everything I've ever wanted. Honda was what I was thinking about when I would close my eyes and drive Mazda. Mazda thought I was satisfied, which is not true. I always had to warm her up and depress her clutch to get her to do anything. She got ill for a while and her left window demanded to be yanked on in order for her to go down. And get this, last winter, my key froze in her trunk, and I haven't been able to go there since! You see my frustrations.

Honda is a real 'plug and play' kind of partner. I jump in, push a button or two, and she starts purring for me. I lean the seat back, push another button, and she pulls out some of my favorite music selections to set the mood. When it gets to hot and heavy, I simply push her AC button to cool things off. Honda also cares for my well being by not having an ashtray, whereas Mazda had one, but the lighter refused to put out. The only smoke emitting from those experiences was the smoke coming from my ears in frustration.

So, as the light turns to dark, and it's time to rest my weary body, I think back to a time when my needs were less and Mazda could satisfy them, a time where my smile was more innocent and less experienced, and then I begin to ponder where my life with Honda will take me, what towns, cities, and states will we visit, and how soon will it be for me to be upset about paying for her interest.

Shane Kinney truthfully prefers the company of females to cars; he just needed something to write about. For past ramblings and tour dates, check out www.shanekinney.com